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My mother was a bookkeeper, my dad a meter engineer for the power company. So I came by it honestly. I took accounting classes in high school, and then in college, becoming an Accounting major with degree in hand in three and a half years. I got a job and settled into what I assumed would be the American Dream. Didn’t work out that way, not exactly. I met a young woman named Linda, and I thought we had a connection. We spent time together, and, I thought we might have a serious future together. Not so much. Turned out she had a boyfriend, Jerry by name, trucker by profession, asshole by avocation. Real piece of work. (I later worked out she hadn’t told me about him because we were so comfortable together, and while he was on long hauls, she retreated into our oasis. The evening I found out was unpleasant for me, but I digress.) Linda began showing signs of being abused after a while. Little things, you know, like a black eye or a scratch, some lame-assed excuse where they came from.. She took classes at night. She put in a couple of years as a paralegal. She took more classes online. She passed the bar exam in one try. It took me three. We both went into government work, me into politics and her into justice. I made it to the White House. She made it to my closet on Air Force One via the secret passenger protocol that has its roots back in another President's term. The first secret passenger was code named "Bombshell". Sally's codename is "Cialis".For the next three days, the Fixer will be making sure Sally is well fed and has plenty of entertainment media and plenty of privacy whenever I'm not present. She won't need to spend another minute in the closet until the sweep team comes through when we get back to DC, because he will be on duty the whole time, protecting the office from us fragile men. These guys are the unsung heroes of every presidency. I sincerely hope the first woman who becomes president makes use of this protocol. It makes the job.
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